A range of sex toys has enhanced the sex lives of many people. This has been for couples or solo satisfaction alike. Discovering all the raunchy benefits, indulging in fantasies and embracing your sexuality can be an enlightening experience. Like an awesome song, people want their friends or romantic partners to experience the same pleasure they have. This is for the most part a very positive thing, share the love, reduce judgement, open up the channel for sexual discussion to those you are close with and those you just met over a couple vodka sodas.
However, within all this sensual celebration, births the potential for a very negative by-product of being sexually enlightened and it refers to feelings and concepts around sexual superiority. As in, people want other people to experience as much pleasure as they have, yet fail to realise that everyone is different. Everyone achieves pleasure in a different way, everyone has different desires in fantasies and everyone even has differing and fluctuating levels of interest in sex itself!
Let's imagine someone who likes a bullet vibrator, versus someone who enjoys a rabbit vibrator. The two are vastly different and provide varying levels of stimulation. They also have distant levels of discreteness. One person may prefer to use a bullet because it's easier to hide and isn't going to cause any suspicious sounds. Another, may enjoy a rabbit vibrator because of the dual stimulating, powerful orgasms it provides. Neither preference is better than the other, it's no different than one liking blue and the other liking yellow.
This is important to understand whether your sex toys lay in the vanilla or kinky department. Vanilla sex meaning conventional sex, you prefer to have sex in the normal way, you might include a vibrator, dildo or cock ring in the bedroom but otherwise you stray away from anything too alternative. On the other side of the spectrum, there's the kinksters, who enjoy BDSM and fetish play. These two terms vary from person to person, the main difference concerned for this article is that kinkier people will enjoy different forms of pleasure through a wider array of sex acts and toys. In no way does this put kinky people on some sort of sexually progressive pedestal or mean vanilla people require less things to enjoy sex. Sexual progressiveness is not about being more daring or kinky in the bedroom, it's more about understanding and not judging those who have different desires from your own. Therefore, vanilla people can be happy knowing that their sex life is relatively ordinary and not feel any societal pressure to be something else. Kinky people can enjoy alternative sex acts without society labelling them with any type of false negative connotations.
It's easy to say that sexual preference is no different than liking different colours. It would be nice if things were that simply, but they are clearly not. We need to acknowledge the difference between sex and our favourite colour, being that our fave colour doesn't fuel our egos or influence our self-esteem. Nor, can it make us seem more desirable by a romantic partner. Sex is an exciting topic to gossip about, a concept used to assist advertisements, it's talked about on basically every medium possible and is of course, the standard way in which we make babies. Compared to your favourite colour, you or those around you have invested a lot more attention towards sex and you can't help but place some sort of abstract value on it. Like anything that's been deemed popular by the population or in fact human nature, being "good at it" compared to everyone else, might make you feel good.
But the truth is, sex using sex toys and doing sex acts isn't a competition. Sex means something different for everyone and is constantly changing meaning at any point in someone's life. Having done less or done more is a useless way of measuring things, sex shouldn't be measured in the first place. Each person enjoys and experiences sex in a specific way, no preference is better than the next, and therefore, it can't be a competition.
Always discuss the use of any sex toy before introducing it into the bedroom. Everyone involved should know what the toy is used for and how to use it. Any additional features such as vibration intensity or speed should be included. Identifying what each other likes beforehand not only allows you to get the most benefit out of the sex toy but also makes the experience a lot more intimate and body safe.
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